Santa Answers Your Questions 2009 - Part 2 of 2

Q. Santa, concerning your luscious beard I was wondering if any product is used. The way it shines and radiates your inner beauty leaves me breathless. What kind of sorcery are you practicing here? Have you ever considered cheating on Mrs. Claus?

A. I am so glad you like my beard. But who do you think I am... Tiger Woods?! Have you seen Mrs. Claus?! Are you nuts?! She is hot.

Back to my beard though. I don't do anything with it other than trim it to keep it from getting too wild. All my hair turned silvery white when I was still very young so I wasn't too surprised that it was solid white when I did finally decide to grow a beard. I guess I was fortunate I didn't have to deal with a salt & pepper beard. I can tell you though... more than a few marketing people have tried to convince me to dye it brown, cut it back to a goatee, or shave it off all together in an effort to update my image. I keep resisting. Partly because its tradition but mostly because Mrs. Claus really, really likes the beard.


Q. Why do my friends always get more than I do. Do you like them better?

A. Yes. Yes, I do like them better... NOT. I am just kidding, of course. The calculation to determine who gets what is very long and complex; too much so to describe here. But rest assured it is a fair process that is designed to best suit your personal needs. And as you well know, while your friends may occasionally get more than you do, you receive way more than many other people yourself. The key thing for you to take away is this: focus on what you have, count your blessings, and do not be envious of what other people have. You will live a much happier, fulfilled, and longer life if you can do that.


Q. Santa do you really go to all the houses in 1 night?

A. I do. I had a similar question last year and I responded with the following: The key is North Pole Time. I am not the right person to explain exactly how it works. It is far too technical for me but, I can say that because we sit at the junction of all the time zones, there are some unique capabilities we have realized in moving easily between time zones. That - in and of itself - is not all that remarkable. But there is something magical about how we can travel within a time zone and return to the North Pole - no matter how long we have been gone - within the same hour we left as long as we arrive & depart from the Launch pad. The Launch pad is directly on the true North Pole. Time doesn't stop so much as it "re-sets". That's not the best description either but its the closest I can relay at this point. It is this capability that we leverage to deliver to 302M homes in a 24 hour period. If you want to know how we determine how many homes, see my December 20, 2007 post


Q. Oh Santa Claus, how do you get into my house on Christmas Eve? We have a small chimney.

A. I am much thinner than I appear. You would be surprised at how many chimney's I can actually get down. I had a similar question on this last year; here is how I responded: Where the chimneys are large enough for me (and many are; I'm not a big as you might think), I have a special dive that I use. But the most important thing for you to remember is that chimney diving is not for everyone. You have to be very well trained. I have trained for years. You should never try it under any circumstance. So with all that said, the fact of the matter is that there are many houses where the chimney is too small for me. In those cases, I enter through other means. I have several scout teams of elves that go in ahead of me to 1) validate I can fit through the chimney, 2) identify alternate entry paths, 3) disable alarms, 4) confirm that everyone in the house is asleep. With their advance information, I really don't have any problems. Now... to your question about breaking and entering... technically it would be in almost every legal jurisdiction around the world except I have a huge legal team that has negotiated special rights for me that allow me to enter. Those rights are only valid on Christmas Eve. And let's face it, when you leave gifts, people don't complain. Now many cities around the world granted me the rights only if I leave gifts, which is why now in many places I just skip a house rather than leaving coal. Coal doesn't legally qualify as a gift... so I just skip the houses in those jurisdictions completely if the residents are on the naughty list.


Q. What's your thoughts on match making Santa? Think for Christmas this year I could get clarity on finding a wife?

A. Russ, thank you for the question. As I have said many times before, I do not deliver wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, etc. I am also not much of a match-maker. That is really Mrs. Claus' domain. As much as I hate to admit it because I often accuse her of meddling, the fact is she has an unbelievable knack of bringing couples together. My advice though for you is to stop trying so hard to find a wife. Just relax, be yourself, and take the time to enjoy the company & friendship of the women you date... don't be in a rush to get serious. And don't settle either. That's the risk when you are just looking to find a wife - you end up marrying the first one to return your interest, whether or not she is truly the 'one'. But trust me... when the 'right one' comes around, you will both know it. It will be undeniable. In the meantime, just be patient.

Q. My daughter has requested to be a mermaid for a day and nothing else - any idea how to overcome this?

A. Meridith - I must recieve 10,000 requests a year from little girls to "be a mermaid". As you know, we can't just go around changing people into mermaids. Even if we had that magical power (which I do not!), it just wouldn't be right. There are way too many unintended and unwanted consequences. Here are a few ideas... there are quite a few mermaid outfits available at costume stores and online. I checked our North Pole Inc. inventory and we are out but I am sure you could find one. Start by clicking the "online" link above. Alternatively, you could take her to a water park for a day and let her experience what it might be like to be a mermaid. There are lots of water parks out there but if you could somehow get to the water parks at Disney World, you'd certainly be able to weave a "Little Mermaid" theme throughout the vacation.